We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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