After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
