No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
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I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
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Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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