i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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