he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
