Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
