Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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