im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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