I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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