So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
