What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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