I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
