Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
