you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
