Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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