While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
