I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize