The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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