They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
