epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
