i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
