how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
