Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
