I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
