i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Randomize
