I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
