I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i think i have two assholes
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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