He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.