she was so not down for the gang bang
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
