please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
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Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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