Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
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This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
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I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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