i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
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it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
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I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm