Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.