I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one