so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
