i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
