I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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