Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.