He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs