I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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