Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
