He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
