I want to stick my p in your. b.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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