i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
