I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
