Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
