Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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