Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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