My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Oh god it's open bar.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
