shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
