he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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