She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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