i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
