Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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