Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize