I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
