I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
