Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
