just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
