there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
