Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
