i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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