He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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