considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
