Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
