Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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